Good evening, Dear Reader(s). I’m trying to acclimate myself to the college schedule by writing this really late. Don’t worry, I’ll write my posts during the day once classes actually start.
I want to consider Choice vs. Expectations. This may be similar with the previous post of Predestination, but then again, it may be entirely different. That remains to be seen. However, I would like to start with a brief personal history: I am a different person. Or so I am told.
As long as I can remember, “being myself” has always set me apart from my peers. I like “different” things, I have a “different” background history, I have a “different” perspective on life. To me, being “different” is normal, in every unimpressive sense of the word. However, it is when I try to be different that I blend in with those around me.
Why is this?
Is it because so many people are trying to be different that they all end up being the same?
While in Grecia, Costa Rica, my host mom and her best friend had a Bible study and prayer time, during which they laid hands on me and prayed for me. After they had finished praying, the best friend looked at me and said that although she didn’t know me, she knew that I would be a different person upon returning to my homeland. She told me that people who knew me before I came would marvel at my change.
I have no problem with either of those women; Neither do I have a problem with such a statement. However, I have heard proclamations like these made to me more times than I care to count. Many people tell me that I will go far in life, that I’ll be successful, that I will change many things.
My issue is not with the people; one can always expect the old people at church to want to see me do well in life. My issue is with the expectation. By whose standards is “far in life” measured? Likewise, to whom will I be considered “successful”, and who will mark my “changes”? The people-pleaser/obedience complex in me tries once again to usurp my independent choice by making me feel the absolutely overwhelming need to obey those proclamations so the people will think highly of me.
But thus begs the obvious question–How do I “go far in life”??? And, on top of that, what is needed to “be successful” or to “make changes”??
A very good friend of mine that I had the fortune of meeting on the semester abroad, told me that I was overthinking things too much. Sigh. I tend to do that a lot as well.
If I am worried about my Power of Choice, it still remains with me. I have to remember that these well-wishes are merely that, wishes. Suggestions. Old teachers expect me to use my talents to their fullest capacity, but cannot force me to do so otherwise, should I refuse. And to be perfectly honest, I should listen to others who have passed this part of their life already. They have many bits of advice of things they wish they would have done at my age, or things they should have avoided. I appreciate the help.
This post is the first of my pre-return-to-school jitters. School starts for me much later than most of my friends, so while they leave to attend classes, I stay here wondering if I have changed, and how much. Mostly, I wonder what my personal change will incite in others.
Dear Reader, it is late, and this is all my tired brain can comprehend at the moment. So, for now, I bid you good night because this post is long enough.