Your marriage will work out, because you found The One, right? You just happened to find the right person, didn’t you?
Along with the misguided hope of One perfect soulmate, many people assume that my marriage works because I happened to find that One perfect soulmate. I see two possible inferences:
- Either there IS destiny and I was destined for this One person, OR
- I have excellent luck
When I write it out, I laugh at #2. My klutziness might have been endearing, but only to those who were not carrying a delicate object, trying to balance, or (my favorite) just walking next to me in the hallways. In fact, through my short-lived life, I have yet to see luck. For some people things just seem to work out, but I think we’re forgetting to add the skill level and personality of the person into our equation. A student who gets all As in math without any study, isn’t necessarily “lucky,” but possibly just good with numbers. A few art projects I had in high school were done during my lunch break and still got good marks, because I was good at art (and didn’t have time the evening before), not because of luck. Besides, how the world views me and how I view myself are two completely different things.
So we can rule out #2.
What about #1? Is there Destiny? If there is, it implies that Destiny is an overarching force that transcends and directs humanity. Therefore, I submit that if Destiny brought me to my One, it will bring everyone else to their One.
But wait–not every marriage ends with old age and death. Some end with infidelity, others with irreconcilable differences. If Destiny truly “worked” for me, why doesn’t it work for others? If Destiny is sentient, it isn’t very smart. And if Destiny is in charge, then nothing I do can make a difference. This assumes that I have no say in the matter. Don’t I? I was asked for my hand–don’t I get to say yes or no?
We’re not going to get into predestination. Not yet, anyway. But I must say, my marriage would have been infinitely harder, had I not already known my future husband as a friend. He and I have had a solid friendship extending to our elementary school days. We didn’t start dating until college. And it wasn’t because we were waiting to grow up, it’s because we were focused on the friendship we had. By assuming my marriage will work because I somehow found The One, the people who ask this show their ignorance of marriage. Yesterday we talked of individuals. Remember your college freshman roommate? How perfect was that relationship during the fall?